#National 2/4

Jan 24, 20191 min read

TSA Rolls Out New PreCheck Implants

Jan 14, 20192 min read

Valentine’s Day Merchandise Already in Stores to Prolong Suffering of Singles

Jan 10, 20192 min read

Stand-up Comedians Admit Knowing What the Deal Was With All That Stuff

Dec 6, 20182 min read

Study: 33% of Americans Base Entire Identity on Whether Trump in Office

Nov 28, 20181 min read

Fewer Smokers Die of Cancer than by Other Means

Oct 30, 20182 min read

USPS Reminds Nation Not to Ship Bombs without Disclosing Contents

Oct 10, 20183 min read

"See Something Suspicious, Say Something Suspicious" Campaign Dissolved

Oct 7, 20182 min read

Entomologists: How Can Nation Sleep Knowing Potato Bugs Exist?

Oct 5, 20182 min read

Scandal: Mr. Potato Head has Illegitimate Tater Tot

Sep 24, 20182 min read

63% of Death Threats Originate from One Man in Kentucky

Sep 9, 20181 min read

Fantasy Football Apparently Does Not Involve Dragons, Unicorns

Sep 2, 20182 min read

Report: Almost Everything You're Doing is Unnecessary

Aug 26, 20181 min read

Apologetic Chess Officials Finally Let Black Go First

Aug 15, 20183 min read

Yard Signs Most Convincing Campaign Element

Jul 20, 20182 min read

Smokey Bear Admits He Responsible For Over 3,000 Wildfires In Last 50 Years

Jul 8, 20182 min read

Americans Ranked 98th in Parking Ability

May 26, 20182 min read

Surgeon General: Tanning May Be Hazardous To Your Celibacy

May 24, 20183 min read

Planned Parenthood Changes Name to 'Aborted Responsibility'

May 17, 20182 min read

Nation's Girlfriends: Everything's Fine

May 12, 20184 min read

THE COLON

Fake News for Real People