"See Something Suspicious, Say Something Suspicious" Campaign Dissolved

WASHINGTON, DC—After a short-lived test phase of the slogan nationwide, Homeland Security has decided to put an end to the recent "See Something Suspicious, Say Something Suspicious" anti-terrorism campaign.

The slogan was meant to be something easily remembered for citizens as they make their way through areas of public transportation and pedestrian walkways, and also while attending public events such as concerts or sweet potato pie bake-offs. Its longer form was, "If you see something suspicious, be sure to say something suspicious to a police officer or other security personnel."

Although the slogan seemed like a wise move at the time, in retrospect, Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen has admitted that they should have foreseen the problem. "We felt that the tone and rhythm of the slogan was quite straightforward and catchy, but after several blunders, it's pretty clear that we should have scrutinized it a little more."

These "blunders" to which Secretary Nielsen refers came over the course of several weeks. One such incident was on the subway in New York City, where well-meaning passenger Patricia Brown, 33, observed that a backpack was left unattended in a seat. She approached an officer in the neighboring car to say, in a sing-song voice, "Officer, there's a big surprise on the seat in that car! I'll see you in hell!"

Fortunately, the bag in question belonged to another passenger who had left momentarily to inspect a map of the routes posted on the wall of the car, but the responding officer was very creeped out, even handcuffing Ms. Brown and detaining her for questioning.

Another similar incident happened at a baseball game in Chicago recently, where a Cubs fan, Gerald "Jerry" Pierce, 41, thought he may have seen a man holding a knife in the stands. He approached security personnel and stated only, "Ever seen someone get stabbed? Would you like to?"

After arresting and questioning Mr. Pierce, it took several minutes to ascertain the direct meaning of his comments, and the alleged wielder of the knife could not be located. Thankfully, there was no stabbing at the game or near the stadium.

Secretary Nielsen cited dozens of other such incidents in which the manner of reporting of a suspicious incident seemed to escalate the situation more than simply call attention to it. "We apologize for any confusion and needless distress the slogan may have caused," she said. "We are currently working for the release of all of those who have made reports under the old slogan, but we ask for your patience."

Considerations for the slogan's replacement are currently under review, and include, "If you see something suspicious, don't say something suspicious." However, some are concerned that it will discourage reports of any kind, even those that would not have been made in a suspicious way. The leading candidate is currently "See something that doesn't seem right? Carefully formulate a sentence and run it by a friend or two before approaching law enforcement." Still, despite the statement's clarity, many criticize it for being needlessly long.

While there is presently no clear standard for the circumstances under which one should report the witnessing of something that seems amiss, Secretary Nielsen has asked that citizens just keep their heads down in public, and avoid contact with other living beings. Homeland Security hopes to have a new slogan ready by the end of 2018.

#NoraMichel #National