#National

Apr 27, 20192 min read

More Children Diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes Following Easter Weekend, Causes Unknown

Apr 11, 20192 min read

New Cigarette Labels to Include Surgeon General's Warning that Smoking No Longer Cool

Apr 8, 20192 min read

2020 Presidential Candidates Commit to Saying "Folks" as Often as Possible

Apr 5, 20192 min read

Scandal: O'Rourke Photographed Standing in Vicinity of Several Unarmed Women

Mar 29, 20192 min read

Mueller Misread Task, Spent 2 Years Investigating "Collision"

Mar 27, 20192 min read

F.B.I. Stages Serial Killer Convention, Arrests 56

Mar 22, 20192 min read

Progressive Democrats Propose Funding for "Thought Police"

Mar 19, 20192 min read

Facing Gun Control Laws, Nation's Would-be Mass Murderers Get Jobs, Form Relationships

Mar 12, 20192 min read

House Democrats Seek to Raise Taxes Solely as Show of Strength

Feb 25, 20193 min read

Lava Pit and Other Border Wall Alternatives Proposed

Feb 24, 20192 min read

CDC Recommends Washing Hands, But Are You Really Going to Let Those Nerds Tell You What to Do?

Feb 18, 20191 min read

Economists: Some Stuff Rising, Others Falling

Feb 16, 20192 min read

Most Serial Killers Start with Animal-shaped Food as Toddlers

Feb 14, 20192 min read

Nation to Mimic Star Trek by Holding Valentine's Day Every 7 Years

Feb 10, 20192 min read

Anti-piracy Campaign Explains Your Taste in Music Not Worth Committing Federal Crime

Feb 6, 20192 min read

"Stop" Signs to be Converted to "Tap on Brakes a Little" Signs

Jan 31, 20193 min read

Newly Obese Dietitians & Nutritionists Hit Hardest by Holidays

Jan 30, 20193 min read

Democrats Want More Illegal Immigrants’ Life-force to Drain

Jan 29, 20192 min read

Political Scientists: Population to Fade Away if Government Shut Down Again

Jan 27, 20192 min read

THE COLON

Fake News for Real People