ATLANTA, GA—Amid the continuing flu season that is still expected to last several more weeks, and the unfortunate measles outbreak in the U.S., the Centers for Disease Control felt the need to lecture us on basic hygiene.
The CDC issued a statement on Friday of this week renewing their call to frequently wash hands, as if we were a pack of helpless morons who don't have an elementary understanding of how diseases are spread.
Apparently believing that the American public are a mindless horde of inbred numbskulls, our benevolent overlords have once again decided to lecture us about using facial tissues instead of our sleeves, as if they are all high-and-mighty and have never done anything wrong. Ignoring the fact that sometimes you can't find a tissue, and the bathroom is all the way over there, Big Brother at the CDC advises us hard-working Americans to just pause our Fortnite game so that we can sneeze into our shoulders like the dainty Princess of Fairyland or whatever.
Furthermore, the dictators-in-training in this division of the Department of Health and Human Services condescendingly expressed their "recommendation" that we grown adults frequently wash our hands. Adding insult, they continued in their statement to detail what it means to wash hands, because they seem to think that we were all raised in the wild by wolves. "Using warm water and soap..." is an actual phrase used in the patronizing instructions for how to stay free of one's own filth.
The CDC end their statement with a final slap in the face to all people residing in the country by stating that our "cooperation will help to keep everyone healthy." It seems not to have occurred to those nerds that such tripe will cause most of the nation to vomit. Then what are we supposed to do, CDC? What do we then do with all of this vomit all over the place? Could you tell us what to do with that? Jerks.