SNOWFLAKE, AZ—Reports of indignation across the country are surfacing in the wake of what has come to be known as the "Kersh Incident." During his shift in the emergency ward of Snowflake General Hospital on January 22, Peter McAllen M.D., 36, was preparing to receive a new patient. Vincent "Vince" Kersh, 28, who had received multiple gunshot wounds early that morning, was unresponsive, lacking a pulse, and "very obviously deceased." Upon viewing his patient, a "dead" African-American man, McAllen denied him treatment, claiming he "can't help people like that."
Ethan Williams, 29, who had brought the motionless Kersh to the hospital, cocked his head and asked "what's that supposed to mean?" McAllen responded that he was unable to help someone in Kersh's condition and that if he tried, it would be "a gross perversion of [his] oaths as a doctor." Williams replied, "So what, we're too 'gross' for you to help, is that it? It would be a 'perversion' to save the life of a black man? [expletive] man, it's 2019!"
Williams had brought Kersh to Snowflake General Hospital following a gang-related confrontation that morning, to which they were passersby. Kersh, who is known to friends as a practical joker, received several injuries, but those nearby believed him to have staged the whole event. Williams notes, "[Kersh] fell on the ground and acted like he was dying, even had some 'final words' for me, but I figured he was trying to get a reaction like he always is. I was really impressed when he stopped breathing and started to lower his body temperature, like [expletive] he's good! After a few hours of him keeping up the act though, I figured maybe I should take him to the hospital. But I had movie tickets that I didn't want to waste, and I still wasn't sure if he was faking, so I took him in after that, only to have a virtual KKK member turn us away."
"I don't think this guy realizes that his friend is already dead and has been for hours," bigoted racist McAllen reports. "I would help his friend if there was anything to be done, but a) he's clearly been past the point of recovery for more than a few hours, b) even if I could revive him, he would have suffered severe brain damage by now, and c) several vital organs were ruptured by bullet wounds, so I'm not even sure I could have saved him if he had been brought here instantly following the trauma," claims the prejudiced quack. "I would help him if I could, but I simply can't," the hater of minorities continued.
Kersh, covered in coagulated blood and well past the onset of rigor mortis, refused to comment on his lack of treatment as of press time.