WASHINGTON, DC—With the upcoming departure of President Cecile Richards, Planned Parenthood has decided that the time has come to rebrand itself.
Chief Strategist Tom Subak explained that, "In times of transition like Cecile's leaving, it's always best to rethink an organization's priorities and mission. So, with her leaving, we [at Planned Parenthood] thought that we should take a step back and think about how we want the public to view what we do here."
The organization that provides contraceptives and some screenings for sexually transmitted diseases has faced some scrutiny for the last few years after an undercover video allegedly uncovered the illegal selling of aborted fetal body parts. This, along with the facts that the organization is the largest provider of abortions in the nation, and has set abortion quotas at least some of its sites, has led to public relations problems.
Subak says, "The majority of people in the U.S. think that there should be at least some restrictions on abortions. We really enjoy doing abortions, though. It's what gets us up in the morning. So, because of that, we thought that we should do something about our image to make what we do here clearer. In some of our early meetings, we talked about what it is we really stand for. It became pretty clear that no one here really thinks our mission has anything to do with parenthood, as our name states, so we knew that something had to change."
Whereas the organization does claim to prevent unwanted pregnancies and offer education about reproductive health, they admittedly offer virtually no services for prenatal care.
"If you really boil down what our organization is all about," related Subak, "you get to the avoidance of responsibility. I mean, if it were up to us, nobody would ever have to face any consequences for what they do, take ownership of their choices, or think about somebody else who is affected by their behavior."
Subak explained that it was ultimately this realization that led to the decision to change the organization's name. "We feel that the change to 'Aborted Responsibility' is really much more reflective of what we do. Our whole business model has almost nothing to do with helping people become parents, so it doesn't make much sense to keep 'parenthood' in our name. However, we work tirelessly every day to make sure that people are able to quickly dispose of any consequences stemming from what they do. In fact, we'll stop at literally nothing to keep people from being inconvenienced by the results of their actions, even if it means ending a human life."
Public reaction to the proposed name change has been largely positive from both supporters and critics of the organization. Pro-choice Helena Faraday, 28, said of the decision, "This is a great move. 'Parenthood' is such a downer. I totally prefer the sound of 'Aborted Responsibility.' I get this image in my head of like, you almost got stuck providing life to a person, but instead you said 'aw hell no!'"
Pro-life Natasha Garcia, 31, said of the name change, "I think it makes a lot more sense, right? I mean, this place wants nothing to do with people who want to keep their baby, so at least they're being honest about it now."
"We expect that this new era in our organization will eventually help its image," said Subak. "For too long we've pretended to be something that we're not, so now we're coming out loud and clear. Everyone should know what we truly stand for: keeping from doing hard things, like taking care of another person, or giving it to a loving family. Let's just take it out of the equation entirely."