News 8/27

Jun 9, 20193 min read

Biden: "Just Tell Me What Principles I Need to Be President."

Jun 8, 20192 min read

Study: Birds Chirp Before Sunrise Because they are Spawn of Satan

Jun 5, 20192 min read

In Show of Commitment to Diversity, Democratic Convention to Behead 6 Straight White Men

Jun 4, 20193 min read

Winnie the Pooh Kills Christopher Robin in Existential Crisis

Jun 3, 20191 min read

5 Out of 5 Morons Recommend Cutting My Grass

Jun 2, 20192 min read

Naive Archaeologists Discover Caveman's Rock Collection

May 31, 20192 min read

Bombshell: Origin of Jazz Just a Prank

May 29, 20192 min read

North Korean Man Fumbles Through Propaganda Lines

May 28, 20192 min read

Toddler Advocacy Group Renews Sponsorship of Macaroni and Cheese, Chicken Nuggets

May 24, 20192 min read

Ant Laborers to Unionize, Citing Long Hours, Unfavorable Conditions

May 22, 20192 min read

Bread Loaf End Pieces Demand Respect

May 21, 20192 min read

All 2020 Presidential Debates to be Conducted Over Twitter

May 20, 20193 min read

Increased Call for Car Control Following Latest Vehicular Homicide

May 19, 20192 min read

Train Announcer Seems Less-than-thrilled to Announce Track Change

May 18, 20192 min read

Report: No One Came to My Birthday Party

May 16, 20191 min read

Men's Room Smells Less Sweaty Than Usual

May 14, 20192 min read

Elizabeth Warren Proposes Making Everyone CEO of Amazon

May 13, 20192 min read

Guy With Beard Probably Bass Player

May 9, 20192 min read

Study: Internet Trolls Well-adjusted People When Offline

May 8, 20192 min read

THE COLON

Fake News for Real People