GREEN BAY, WI—In a move that surprised no one, the world's largest organization run by toddlers has renewed its partnership with both chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese.
The move comes a full 15 years ahead of the agreed-upon contract's end. This firm alliance was forged in 1937 from the moment the Kraft food company invented the popular staple of American children's diet. It has been officially renewed approximately every 20 years, as some of the toddler leaders wish to keep their options open for new food trends. However, there seems to be no end in sight for toddlers' preference for either the cheesy sauce with noodles or the breaded chicken bites.
In a ceremony marking the renewal of vows, the leader of the Toddler Advocacy Group (TAG), Carter Harrison, 3, performed the ritual of wolfing down 3 cups of macaroni and cheese within 2 minutes, using only his bare hands, and then smearing the remaining cheese sauce all over his face. He then fed a single chicken nugget to each of the board members, who bowed respectfully before rinsing the bites down with chocolate milk or juice boxes.
Harrison then read a statement that included the commitment to maintain and propagate the existence and dispersal of nuggets and macaroni and cheese throughout the world by any means necessary.
This solid alliance has been enormously beneficial for both the food distributors and the toddlers, as the companies' revenues are virtually guaranteed, and the foods are a good source of protein and other nutrients.
Still, some of the public are concerned that the relationship has become too powerful, and thus threatens parents and others who don't fit in with the group's agenda. Parents generally cite a concern for more diverse nutrition sources, and allegations of a brainwashing effect on their children, who reportedly scream and whine as if possessed unless they are given one of the two food items.
Others also voiced concern that some children face stigma or other marginalization if they do not fall in line with the food choices dictated to them by TAG. For example, toddlers with Celiac, an autoimmune disorder, cannot have gluten, which is prevalent in most macaroni and chicken nuggets. TAG denies that such individuals are treated differently, and cites its efforts for inclusiveness in choices of treats and beverages. However, given the cult-like following of macaroni and cheese, as well as of chicken nuggets, it is easy for some to see why there is concern of fitting in.
This latest renewal of sponsorship is set for reevaluation in 2043, but with the continued availability of cartoon-character-shaped noodles and dinosaur-shaped nuggets, experts believe that this bond was forged in hell and is unlikely to ever break.
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