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Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Train Announcer Seems Less-than-thrilled to Announce Track Change


CHICAGO, IL—Saturday, as passengers were merrily awaiting their designated trains' arrival, came a voice overhead that seemed somehow unpleased to be speaking the words coming from her mouth.

"Your attention, please," began the voice, with what appeared to be a deep boredom and even disdain for each syllable forced through her vocal cords, teeth, and lips. "The South Chicago train will now be boarding on Track 2. Again, the train going to South Chicago will now board on Track 2."

The delivery of the message lacked any hope or brightness that Chicago residents have come to expect in their daily interactions, and thus were somewhat dismayed at what may have been a dark loathing and hatred for the trains, the passengers, or perhaps humanity in general in the tone of the announcer. A mother was seen covering her child in its stroller, as if to shield it from the evil lurking underneath the sound coming from the speakers overhead. An elderly man turned his collar up in what may have been an unconscious reaction to the negative energy flooding the station. One young boy merely shuddered reflexively at the dread of one day possibly taking on a menial job that brings no fulfillment whatsoever.

The passengers heading in the direction of South Chicago boarded their train on Track 2, but with less joy or optimism in the human condition than they had before coming to the station. Several of them questioned their life choices, and many failed to see the joy in much of what they had, instead nitpicking and criticizing until they found no reason to smile at all.

In contrast, the conductor who punched their tickets smiled broadly, thanked them for riding the train, and then started making insufferable small talk with many of the passengers, causing them to later drink too much and be rude to their families.

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