News 13/27

Jan 1, 20191 min read

2019 Already Considered a Loss

Dec 31, 20182 min read

R2-D2 Latest Target of #MeToo

Dec 29, 20181 min read

Apple to Discontinue Bluetooth Compatibility in 2019

Dec 27, 20182 min read

Toddler Leader Accused of Accepting Sticker Bribe

Dec 26, 20182 min read

Baby Jesus Enters the Off-season

Dec 25, 20181 min read

Nation's Scrooges: "Humbug"

Dec 24, 20181 min read

Pope Has Crisis of Faith upon Learning Santa isn’t Real

Dec 23, 20183 min read

PSA: Stool Softeners Fail to Increase Comfort of Sitting

Dec 20, 20181 min read

Rocking Horse Ornament Doesn't Make the Cut this Year

Dec 19, 20182 min read

Agnostic's Yearly Letter Still Somehow Preachy

Dec 18, 20182 min read

Breaking: U.N. to Enter Negotiations Following Santa's Capture by North Korea

Dec 16, 20181 min read

The Colon's Person of the Year: Double Fudge Brownies

Dec 15, 20182 min read

Santa Casts off Christian Façade, Founds Own Religion

Dec 14, 20182 min read

U.N. Denounces North Pole’s Gruesome ‘Reindeer Games’

Dec 13, 20183 min read

Restroom Signs Getting Pretty Graphic

Dec 11, 20182 min read

Brexit to Add More Syllables to "Worcestershire"

Dec 10, 20183 min read

Lawyer's Favorite Part of Job Reminding Witnesses They Under Oath

Dec 8, 20182 min read

Santa Cancels "Elf on the Shelf" Program After Participant Murders Host Family

Dec 7, 20182 min read

Report: Nine People Touched Your Soft Drink Lid Before You

Dec 6, 20182 min read

THE COLON

Fake News for Real People