LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM—As Prime Minister Theresa May puts forth her proposal to parliament which details the U.K.'s departure from the European Union, The Colon has explored some of the lesser-known caveats of the deal. What is apparently leading the lack of support from members of parliament appears to be a proposal to increase the number of syllables in the word, "Worcestershire."
Worcestershire is most commonly used when naming a sauce that originated in the 1800s in England, and is now also used in many other countries. Although it is already a challenging word to say, apparently Prime Minister May or someone who helped her to draft the proposal added in a little stipulation that it be increased from its current form to something even more difficult to pronounce, especially for non-natives.
Interestingly, the proposal is not specific as to what it must be, but insists that parliament must vote on what to call it once Brexit has commenced. It does offer several suggestions, however, including "Worcestershirelyundeniablygood," as well as "Worcestershirelectible," and "Worcestershireiffic."
Once the stipulation came to light, the widely popular Brexit proposal suddenly lost several key supporting members. As one told The Colon, speaking under the condition of anonymity, "As if we haven't enough problems dividing us in this country, now [Prime Minister] May and her lot want to divide us along the Worcestershire lines. I won't have it, I tell you I won't have it!"
As to the purpose of the unusual demand, Mrs. May has declined to comment on the condition specifically, but assured The Colon that she carefully pored over every word, and that "the security of the people of the United Kingdom is her only concern."
Still, many critics wonder if this was intended to be some sort of practical joke. Indeed, Pierce Longcross, 42, commented "Ha! Can you imagine those loonies up in parliament arguing over the name of that bloody sauce? Fancy that!" Whereas some citizens find it humorous, others think it is a sign that May does not have full oversight of her staff. As another citizen put it, "You see? I don't think she's any idea what's goin' on in 'er own entourage. If they can slip a gag like this in there, who's to say what else they've tossed in?"
As of press time, there had been a run on the grocery stores in London as people try to stock up on what is currently known as Worcestershire sauce, fearing that it may soon be banned or the ingredients changed forever. Thus far, sixteen are reported dead, and 48 wounded, but numbers are still pouring in. Stick with The Colon for all the latest updates.