UNITED STATES—In their annual statement to the nation and the world, the scrooges of the U.S. declared "Humbug!" with a sneer and a huff.
In a press release that virtually always occurs on or just prior to December 25th each year, the miserly killjoys known as "scrooges" traditionally disparage the Christmas holiday and its related spirit of giving, celebration, and general cheerfulness. Whereas carolers and well-wishers had hoped that the tone of this year's statement would be relatively less dismissive of their gaiety and warmth for other people, they were disappointed to find it directly in line with the scrooges' past stance on yuletide festivities.
The organization's one-word press release was unanimously endorsed by its 45,682 registered members, and has been cheered by many sympathizers. Indeed, although many others do not identify as scrooges, they do tend to endorse the overall hostility to expressions of happiness, jollity, or other positive human emotions: especially on or around Christmas.
Another press release quickly followed that of the scrooges, and was given by the world's Spirits of Christmases Past, Present, and Future (SCPPF). Their statement included a stern warning to the scrooges, which was not immediately heeded.
As of press time, a few of the scrooges had softened their positions on Christmas traditions, vowing to keep it all year, whereas others simply referred back to their earlier public statement.