News 11/27

Feb 25, 20193 min read

Lava Pit and Other Border Wall Alternatives Proposed

Feb 24, 20192 min read

CDC Recommends Washing Hands, But Are You Really Going to Let Those Nerds Tell You What to Do?

Feb 22, 20192 min read

New Dating App Lets Parents Arrange Marriages

Feb 22, 20192 min read

Wife Lists Off Things She's Not Holding Over Husband's Head

Feb 21, 20193 min read

Veteran Employee Knows Where All the Good Water Fountains Are

Feb 18, 20191 min read

Economists: Some Stuff Rising, Others Falling

Feb 17, 20192 min read

Hamburglar Released on Parole Following Good Behavior

Feb 16, 20192 min read

Most Serial Killers Start with Animal-shaped Food as Toddlers

Feb 15, 20192 min read

Authorities Seek Cupid in Connection with Fly-by Shootings

Feb 14, 20192 min read

Nation to Mimic Star Trek by Holding Valentine's Day Every 7 Years

Feb 13, 20192 min read

Valentine’s Day Put on Hold Due to Worldwide Shortage of Cupid-sized Diapers

Feb 12, 20193 min read

Most North Koreans Loyal out of Pity for Kim Jong-un

Feb 11, 20192 min read

Elephants Most Invasive Species Threatening Every Biosphere

Feb 10, 20192 min read

Anti-piracy Campaign Explains Your Taste in Music Not Worth Committing Federal Crime

Feb 7, 20191 min read

Local Woman Arrested for Being Illegally Blind

Feb 6, 20192 min read

"Stop" Signs to be Converted to "Tap on Brakes a Little" Signs

Feb 4, 20192 min read

Genius Detective Hangs Missing Glove on Fence

Feb 1, 20193 min read

Betty Crocker, Garbage Man, and Other Heroes to Join Avengers: Endgame

Jan 31, 20193 min read

Newly Obese Dietitians & Nutritionists Hit Hardest by Holidays

Jan 30, 20193 min read

THE COLON

Fake News for Real People