News 3/27

Nov 1, 20192 min read

94% of Spelunkers Motivated by Chance to Say "Spelunking"

Oct 31, 20191 min read

Edgy Philosophy Professor Goes as Different Kind of Philosophy Professor for Halloween

Oct 30, 20193 min read

New Diet Just Asks Participants to Stop Eating When It Feels Like They Might Throw Up

Oct 29, 20193 min read

Panicked Santa Realizes It Almost November

Oct 25, 20193 min read

Coach Explains How Scoring Points Helped Him Win Games

Oct 24, 20192 min read

Replication Crisis a Hoax? Scientists Confirm Rain is Just Water

Oct 22, 20192 min read

All-mammal Remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the Works

Oct 21, 20192 min read

Women Criticized for Ruining My Weekend

Oct 19, 20192 min read

Cosmetic Surgeons Now Offer Thumb Reduction Surgery for Smartphone Typing

Oct 18, 20193 min read

Responsible Adults Added to Endangered Species List

Oct 17, 20191 min read

Car Dealers Agree: New Car Ownership Key to Happiness

Oct 16, 20192 min read

Grocery Clerk Tests the Waters of Conversation by Commenting on Frozen Peas

Oct 15, 20192 min read

Rookie Candy Poisoner Just Sprinkling Gluten

Oct 13, 20192 min read

Sun Petitions for a Few Days Off

Oct 11, 20192 min read

City of Chicago Skips Town to Avoid Paying Bills

Oct 10, 20191 min read

Nation Distracted by Shiny Object for Several Months

Oct 9, 20192 min read

Breakthrough: Graco Has Developed a Car Seat That's Nearly Impossible to Install Correctly

Oct 8, 20192 min read

Salt and Pepper Announce Split, Citing Culinary Differences

Oct 7, 20193 min read

James McAvoy Has Been Mistaken for a Plumber Named Pete 5 Times

Oct 6, 20192 min read

THE COLON

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