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  • Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

All-mammal Remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the Works


Ninja Squirrels
Photo: Martin Docker

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In another win for inclusivity, the largely reptile-dominated genre of anthropomorphic mutant creatures performing martial arts against forces of evil will now cast mammals for the roles.

Paramount Pictures made the announcement over the weekend that the roles of the classic humanoid turtles will be played by two squirrels, a hamster, and a rabbit. This move comes after past criticism regarding the disparities in pay between mutant reptiles and mutant mammals, who make approximately 83 cents for every dollar that a mutant turtle earns.

Some film critics and animal rights organizations laud the move by Paramount, calling the move "overdue." Film critic Jasmine Cortez said that, "It is time to send a clear message that highly skilled ninjas come in all species and genera. This film will break a decades long dangerous precedent that only humans and turtles are capable of physics-bending feats of self-defense against evil. This stereotype has done damage for too long, and now our furry friends will see their potential, too."

Still, others find that this move does not go far enough. "It's nice that the studio is trying to break down barriers faced by mammals mutated by toxic waste, but what about amphibians, or even birds?" asked Devon Warren. "When will the world see its first feathered creature delivering justice after developing super strength and the ability to speak English due to exposure to toxic waste? How is a newt supposed to watch this film and feel like that could be it?"

Longtime fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise are also mixed in their reactions to the announcement. Ben Harker, 41, said, "Look, I don't have anything against mammals. They are just fine creatures. But the whole show is about turtles. That's part of the name! If you want to make an original show about mutant mammals, then fine, but leave the turtles alone."

"Splinter is a rat, you morons," added Stephanie Cutter, 39, a longtime fan. "He's the one who taught the turtles all they know anyway. This film is solving a problem that didn't exist. A mammal is already part of the franchise. Give me a break."

In any case, the film is currently scripted, and casting has begun, with Michael Bay as director. The studio is seeking to fill the roles with actors who really are mutant mammals, but are finding the search challenging thus far. If these issues continue, the world may never see the film come to fruition, or worse yet, may see a computer-generated image of the mammals instead of employing real ones.

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