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  • Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Grandma Says White and ‘Colored’ Christmas Lights Shouldn’t Mix



WATERLOO, IA—The Wescott family’s holiday decorating was interrupted on Saturday when Francine Wescott, 74, commented on her preference for how the tree should be decorated. Sources who witnessed the incident state that “Grandma” Francine, as she is normally known among the Wescotts, sat watching as her two grandchildren donned the tree with traditional ornaments for the Christmas holiday, occasionally recounting memories of past holiday joys.

The celebration came to a sudden halt when Trevor Wescott, 12, retrieved two nonmatching sets of lights from storage and prepared to wrap them around the tree. The elder Wescott reportedly admonished Trevor, stating “White and colored lights shouldn’t mix, sweetie.”

“It was like the room—all of the fun—just deflated,” recalls Francine’s daughter-in-law, Grace Wescott. “We all just looked at each other like, ‘what just happened?’” Unsure whether the comment was harmless or had some hidden meaning, the family remained stunned for a few moments.

The silence was broken when Warren Wescott, 44, Francine’s son, asked her to clarify her meaning. “I’m sorry I asked,” Warren explains.

“Oh, you know what I mean, honey. It’s just not natural when they are together.” Francine said. “Colored lights should stick with their own kind. That's why their manufacturer didn't put them on the same strand.”

Grace reported that at this point, the tension was palpable. “It’s like we just had no idea what to say. Did she hear herself, you know? Do you not hear how that sounds? I pulled Lilly [Warren and Grace’s daughter, 5] close to me and covered her ears.”

The sources say that they were even more shocked after Warren protested to the effect that there was nothing wrong with mixing the lights, but Francine doubled down.

“I won't have it. There’s no reason that the colored lights couldn’t go on a separate tree—what about that one on your desk, Warren? It’s just as nice as this one, but then they don't get in the way of the white lights.”

The rest of the Wescott family remained in a state of bewilderment as “Grandma” went on to explain how decoration styles have lost all sense since her day, and how she worried some day she wouldn’t even recognize a Christmas tree “the way things are going.”

Trevor explained that she went on for several more minutes before he finally announced that he would “just do the lights later, maybe.” Although that seemed to end the conversation, the family agree that the morning remained tense until they drove Francine back to her home in near silence.

“You have to remember,” said Warren, “she grew up in a different time. She’s come a long way, and she means well. I don’t know if she’ll ever quite understand tree light relations like we do, but, she’s my mom, you know? I love her despite her…preferences.”

Trevor reported that, as of press time, he still had not placed any lights on the tree.

When reached for comment on the incident, Francine said, “It’s not that I have anything against colored lights, generally; many of them are perfectly lovely.”

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