MACON, GA—In a horrifying incident earlier this week, every member of the Reilly family sat passively through 16 agonizing minutes of traditional Christmas music for no reason.
All four members of the family entered their vehicle at approximately 3:10 in the afternoon to take a trip downtown for various errands and shopping. As Greg Reilly, 58, turned the key, the radio began playing "Deck the Halls." He immediately flinched at the sound, but rather than turn it down, off, or change the station, the patriarch opted to let it play, as it seemed fitting for the season. For the remainder of the car ride, he watched carefully for a sign that any of the other riders was dissatisfied with the radio station so that he could leap upon the opportunity. To his deep dismay, however, the moment never came.
Mrs. Reilly, 55, also internally rolled her eyes as the traditional song played over the radio, but assumed that the rest of the family appreciated the familiar tune. For the full 16 minutes of their joint transport, she created a checklist from memory of what things she needed to do before December 24th, attempting to distract herself from the song she had heard 684 times by this moment in her life.
The Reilly's son, Harold "Hank" Reilly, 17, let out an audible sigh as the music played over the speakers, but apparently it was not enough of a sign of his annoyance. As the jolly tune tormented his need to find all things lame, he attempted to pass the time by thinking of ways to sneak out of the house that night to see his girlfriend.
Belinda Reilly, 15, the Reillys' only daughter, made faces at the backs of her parents' heads as the music played, as if to express "seriously?" She restrained herself from speaking, however, as the family is not in the practice of saying things to each other that might directly communicate their feelings. Instead, she incorrectly assumed that at least one of the other passengers was enjoying the music, and spent the rest of the ride trying to leave her body and find her "happy place."
After finishing their errands, the family members each resumed their positions in the vehicle. When the radio came back on, this time playing "Frosty the Snowman," the vehicle quickly descended into petty arguments and criticisms of each other, which then escalated into a shouting match over who was to blame for the car having less than half a tank of gas.
As of press time, the Reilly family was planning their traditional Christmas meal of roast beef, which they all hate but would never admit for fear of upsetting the status quo.