LOS ANGELES, CA—Area police were briefed yesterday about one Landon Wan, a delusional area man who has been traversing the Greater Los Angeles area by foot since July 2016. The briefing detailed how Wan has been claiming publicly that he can personally locate, capture, and fight magical creatures, which will ostensibly appear in diverse locations at various times.
Calling himself a “trainer,” 26-year-old Wan has been seen entering businesses, schools, and other public and private places in pursuit of these invisible animals, giving them such bizarre names as “Peeka-Choo,” which is presumably some type of electric train-animal hybrid. Wan has been reported as saying that he likes to fight these animals as a means of training or leveling them up.
“I fight these things all the time against other trainers,” Wan said according to one report, “but not against each other; it doesn’t let me do that. Oh, and I’ve been on as many as about 300 raids in a week. This is basically a full-time job but I enjoy it and I’m good at what I do.” Wan said that he even frequents what he terms “nests,” “habitats,” “trainer spots,” and “gyms,” though these are supposedly in parks and establishments unrelated to the claimed name or purpose and local gyms report having no knowledge of what he could mean. This modern-day Don Quixote has drawn further attention for walking into typically unavailable places, such as private property or churches and synagogues during times of worship, and flicking his phone sharply as if attempting to clear it of dust or an insect.
Despite spending his time and energies in such a specious pursuit, Wan claims to have numerous friends and teammates that, like these supernatural creatures, have yet to be seen. The briefing intended to inform police about Wan, but they received orders not to interfere with him unless he becomes a threat to himself or others. The public is encouraged to do the same.