It is with a heavy heart that the loved ones of Teresa Bullock announce her passing on Friday of last week, following the rapid onset of Christmas music.
Though aged 86 years, Teresa was still strong as an ox by all accounts, so it was a shock when she came down with symptoms of humming traditional holiday tunes. They quickly devolved into actual singing, and then even caroling at anyone who would open the door for her—an all-too-prevalent sign that the end is near.
Her family are glad that she is finally at peace after the ordeal. Her mind just didn't seem the same since she heard that first rendition of "Santa Baby" in the grocery store.
Authorities warn that the Christmas music has been especially bad this season, with more artists joining the overcrowded cesspool. They caution people from turning on radios, and recommend keeping a pair of good ear plugs with them at all times.
Teresa's remembrance will be held at Eternal Light Church at 11:30 on Tuesday. For obvious reasons, anyone who even thinks of humming a seasonal tune will be quarantined for further observation and study.