WASHINGTON, DC—We are only days away from what has been an American tradition for generations as Secretary of the Treasury and capitalist high priest, Steven Mnuchin, prepares to offer the yearly sacrifice of an adult turkey on the national holy day of Thanksgiving, also known as Thursday of Blood. On the fourth Thursday of every November, the capitalist high priest sacrifices an adult turkey on the main altar of the Treasury Building, formally called the Holy Temple of Commerce. While the sacrifice is performed as a token of gratitude for the bounteous workings of the “invisible hand” of the market-based system, BYU Professor of Economics James R. Kearl offered some additional insights into the symbolism and purposes of the ordinance.
“Gratitude is not the only reason for this sacrifice,” Kearl said. “Actually, from an economic or financial standpoint, it is only secondary or tertiary. Take, for instance, the crimson blood of the turkey ‘scapegoat.’ The flow of the sanguine fluid represents the debt or outflows of cash for businesses as it pours over the altar of American industry; that is, the sacrifice of corporations, retailers, and other businesses becomes sanctified before an actual profit can yet be turned. They are ‘in the red.’ The turkey essentially takes upon itself the debt of the nation’s businesses.”
Additionally, according to Kearl, the period immediately after the sacrifice is typically known as Black Friday or Friday of Darkness to the initiated, referring primarily to the hope that the vehicle and pedestrian traffic of shoppers will be apparent, thick, and perhaps disruptive; while some theologians liken this to the Biblical plague of locusts, contemporary scholars compare the behavior to that of the riotous fertility rituals of the ancient Pagans and modern Earth Mother religions as many participants seem to be possessed in a violent frenzy for the best deals. The description of the day as “black” may also continue the theme of turning the debt of retailers into a profit or from “in the red” to “in the black.”
“The Holy Temple of Commerce,” Kearl continued, “has many patrons. Whether you are a business with corporate taxes, a poor college student earning a meager paycheck while working a first job, or any entity that spends money anywhere domestically, you are a patron of the high priesthood of capitalism. Year after year, we continue to pay taxes expecting the marginal benefit of doing so—and the attendant blessings of the sacrifice—to be greater than the marginal cost. In layman’s terms, businesses and individuals reflect on the profits or hauls of Black Friday and think, ‘Self, great day!’”
The high priest’s sacrifice will be televised live at noon Eastern Time on Thursday of Blood or Thanksgiving Day.