PROVO, UT—Your friends and family members gathered yesterday to issue a statement they've been sitting on since your first son's birth earlier this month. While they are thrilled for you to be parents and happy the baby is healthy, the group comprised of literally everyone you know requests that you refrain from forcing pictures of the grotesque little face on them for the next 3-4 months "until he starts to look like a baby."
Although you've been pressing people to discuss which parent your child most resembles, nobody has a real opinion since neither of you looks like a squishy newborn. "Seriously," one brother reported, "the kid looks like a potato. I wish they'd stop showing him to me all the time."
Your loved ones do want to point out that liking your baby despite how it looks is great for you. "Take lots of photos," your mother advised. "You'll want to cherish this time; it goes by so fast. Oh, but don't show them to me. I don't care what he looks like until he's out of the ugly stage."
Many of your friends have stopped following your social media accounts to avoid the already endless stream of baby pictures that could be stock photos for all anyone knows. "All newborns look the same," your old college roommate complained with an eye roll and shake of the head.
In the announcement, the group emphasized that if you insist on doing a newborn photo shoot, just know that you are the only two people in the world who care to look at those photos, and if any of them were to see an image of your infant son surrounded by, say, some red potatoes, he or she honestly couldn't identify which lump was the baby.
It is anticipated that interest in your child will pick up by the time he masters the non-gassy smile and can produce a satisfactory belly laugh.