ROCKFORD, IL—Confused confection connoisseur, Truman Binder, 34, was fortunate to have a job interview at a community college on Thursday afternoon, but did not realize that the entire ordeal would include what felt like a cruel psychological test of social cues.
Mr. Binder was interviewing for a position in the admissions office, where he would assist with tours of the campus. When invited into the office, he was warmly greeted by the receptionist, Clara Winfield, 46. He could not help but notice a plate of assorted cookies resting on the reception desk, however, the plate's purpose was not immediately clear.
The first thing that puzzled Mr. Binder was the size of the cookie plate. Had it been small enough for just 3 or 4 cookies, Mr. Binder would naturally have concluded that it was for a single serving, and most likely belonged to an individual. Had it been much larger, with dozens of cookies, it would have been clear that the plate was intended for some larger social gathering, such as an office potluck or birthday celebration. However, the plate contained exactly 9 cookies by Mr. Binder's count, which suggested to him that they were perhaps left out for any hungry passersby such as himself.
Given the size of the plate, Binder was nonplussed by its location. Were it clearly off-limits to the general public, one might imagine that the cookies would be stored securely in a tin, or, at a minimum, out-of-sight of any pedestrian with a sweet tooth who had skipped breakfast that day due to nerves about the upcoming interview that may affect the rest of their life. On the contrary, the plate was perfectly visible to any person in the admissions lobby, and even any person who happened to walk by the open door. Still, were the plate fully intended to be for open consumption at-will, any reasonable person would imagine that it would be placed in the very front of the receptionist, closest to the visitors, and perfectly within an arm's reach. This was not the case, as it would have required a full 3 steps for an average-sized male human to reach the plate from the front of the reception desk.
The final cue that would perhaps have been helpful for any individual after a tasty treat is the presence of napkins or smaller plates in the vicinity of the cookie plate, which would indicate to an onlooker that they were for the storage and transport of any chosen cookies to the location where they would ultimately be consumed. The total lack of any such paperware may have perhaps dissuaded most individuals from attempting to take the cookies. However, this particular plate of cookies had only a single napkin next to it, leaving hungry and concerned onlookers in complete bewilderment.
Binder, left with no other guidance about how to respond to the presence of the cookies, but with a need to calm his increasingly-empty stomach, thought to perhaps simply ask the receptionist for direction on how to proceed. She, however, was engaged on the phone with prospective students, and paid Mr. Binder no mind.
Binder, feeling the pressure to make a decision about the cookies, began to panic. He'd felt like he was standing there for an eternity sizing up the availability of the cookies. The clock was ticking, and at any moment, the interviewer would call him back. He worried he may regret having not eaten anything—how embarrassing it would be should his stomach grumble loudly during the interview!
On a whim, Binder stepped over to the cookie plate and quickly swallowed 3 of the baked goods.
Just as he turned to take a seat, a woman entered the lobby from an office, and called his name. She then reached for the cookie plate, and exclaimed, "What the [expletive] happened to my cookies? What the hell? I set them down for 2 minutes and some [expletive]hole snatches them up!"
Binder stifled a belch, and then attempted to introduce himself to the interviewer, suddenly in a hot sweat.
Binder was horrified to find cookie crumbs on his lips about halfway through the interview, which may explain all of the questions directed at honesty, office theft, and issues with gluten.
As of press time, Binder revealed that he had not been given the position.