SEATTLE, WA—Fellow road travelers and pedestrians alike expressed open sympathy on Tuesday at the sight of a woman driving a mini-van, but with no decal on the rear window that would indicate the number and gender of children she has, as well as the types of pets.
"Oh, the poor thing," exclaimed Daniel Sarsgaard, 52, after being caught off-guard by the absence of the decals. "Maybe she can't have children! Or what if she was jilted by her fiance—left at the altar! Oh, bless her heart!"
The mysterious woman appeared to be attractive, casting doubt upon some witnesses' theories about why a person might drive a minivan without the expected insignia on the rear window.
"Well, I just can't fathom it," said Kim Dietrich, 41, who also noticed the missing symbols. "What if she has kids but doesn't love them enough to put on the stickers? That may be the worst thing I've ever heard!"
A thorough inspection by several passersby while the van was parked outside a clothing store confirmed the worst fears of some of the public. There were both a car seat and a booster chair in the van, as seen through the windows, but no outward indication that children might be in the vehicle, and certainly no sign that would let other drivers know that she has a family.
"Well, that's just rude!" commented Gene Jackson, 60. "I mean, at least have the common decency to put up the stick figures. I'm not asking for the zombie family, or even the Star Wars theme where Han is the husband and Leia is the wife, and one of the little kids is R2-D2. But at least show a little respect and slap on some smiley faces or something!"
When the apparent owner of the vehicle emerged from the clothing store with several bags, she greeted the crowd that had surrounded her vehicle, before stepping in and driving away.
"The nerve!" said one witness. "She was smiling and everything!"
Another witness's doubts were dashed. "She didn't look old enough to be a grandma, so those car seats have to be for her kids, right? What the [expletive]?"
"Well," said Jorge Gutierrez, 33, while crossing himself. "I'll tell you one thing. I feel sorry for that woman and her children."
The remaining group all voiced their agreement before walking away with their heads down, shaking a little.
The Colon encourages readers to be mindful of other such incidents, as they clearly exist. Know your crisis hotline numbers and be prepared to confront other decal-less citizens.