BATON ROUGE, LA—A new study has revealed some surprising behaviors among U.S. families and their usage of eating utensils.
What started as a study regarding conservation and sustainability turned into a shocking profile of what the average family goes through in a day. Among their findings was the discovery that a family of four averages 54 spoons per day.
"We found that just unbelievable at first," said the lead researcher, Brody Aaron, 36. "We had to follow that up with some in-home observations, so we asked participants to allow us to set up some cameras in their kitchens for a few days. It all made sense after that."
The study found that, especially families with young children tend to use an exorbitant number of spoons, forks, and knives when preparing, serving, and consuming meals.
Dr. Aaron, who has no children, explained, "Let's say that Dad is going to get a meal ready for his child. The child agrees to eat yogurt, so Dad gets a spoon out to scoop the yogurt into a bowl, but the child does not like that type of spoon to use to eat his meal, so Dad gets out another. Dad then licks the yogurt spoon clean, and puts it into the sink. The son finishes his yogurt and wants more, so now Dad needs another one, but the child has dropped his own spoon on the floor, and now he needs a new one also.
"After the yogurt is finally finished, the child wants Dad to get him some noodles to eat. Dad incorrectly assumes that the child will eat the noodles with a fork, but the child demands a spoon, so now the fork is dirty, and another spoon gets introduced. This sort of cycle continues for several minutes, and with each family member, although it is primarily due to the children."
The researchers stated that, assuming a family of four, with children ages 4 and 6 years, that family will go through 54.2 spoons, 39.8 knives, and 48.6 forks on an average day. "The most utensils seem to be dirtied during the dinner meal, when children are cranky, tired, and do not want to eat," added Dr. Aaron. "And don't get me started on how many cups."
As far as implications for the research, the team was shocked. Each of the dirtied utensils must be cleaned, and so reducing the volume thereof is of grave importance. "We suggest that children just eat with their hands as much as possible. They are going to get sticky anyway, no matter what parents do to prevent that, so that's a good first step. Another option is to feed children only foods that are in liquid form, or perhaps that are frozen and can be licked, requiring virtually no utensils."
Another recommendation is to simply feed one's family from a single, long container of food, into which they bend over and simply insert their faces. This is not unlike a trough, used to feed animals that do not use utensils. The researchers are currently designing a study to see if humans can be trained to eat out of troughs. Readers interested in volunteering should be ashamed of themselves, and can reach the researchers by contacting The Colon.