WASHINGTON, DC—According to inside sources at the White House, President Donald J. Trump is considering a major restructuring of the Federal government.
The sources, who requested anonymity, report that the President has grown increasingly frustrated and annoyed by the failure of Congress to enact much of his program, a program which he outlined during his successful election campaign, and which he feels obligated to enact in order to fulfill his promises to the electorate.
The major feature of the change will be abolishing Congress altogether. "Hey, other world leaders can do it. Why shouldn't I get to do it? The English queen can dissolve her parliament, right? So there you are!"
The POTUS, in private discussions in the Oval Office, emphasizes all the advantages. "They [Congress] have been nothing but sticks-in-the-mud, do-nothings! Why are we paying them? Everybody knows that! Get rid of 'em! Fire 'em all!" To the objection that Congress is charged with passing legislation, Trump has a ready response: "What have they legislated that I couldn't have done better myself in half the time? And remember, it's ultimately up to me to approve anything they do. That makes me the Boss, doesn't it? We don't need 'em!"
Another advantage to getting rid of Congress besides saving the expense of the salaries and other operating expenses, according to Trump, would be that it would free up the Capitol building and the associated office buildings. "Hey, wouldn't that domed thing make a great hotel? We could make money and use it to pay for my Mexican wall! And those big rooms where the Senate and House meet, those will be theaters, with top Las Vegas type shows and entertainment! Helluva lot more fun than what goes on there now!"
As to what to name the new hotel complex, Trump suggested: "I bet the people would want to honor this president like they've honored others, with the Jefferson Memorial, the Lincoln thing, so I imagine it would be called something like 'The Trump Memorial Hotel.' Or maybe just 'Mar-a-lago, Washington Branch'. It doesn't always have to be about me," he said, humbly. To the objection that Mar-a-lago has a golf course, Trump snorted, "Right there in front of the hotel is the Mall! All that space, and not generating a dime! It isn't even a real mall! No shops, no Nordstrom's! Put nine holes on it! Why do I have to think of everything? Just because I'm the only genius around here?"
The President ordered staff to draft an executive order cancelling the 2018 mid-term elections. "We don't need 'em, and the Dems would have bussed in Mexicans to stuff the ballot boxes, the way they did in '16. Enough of that!"
One staffer tried to point out that the President's plans were probably unconstitutional and would lead to his certain impeachment. "Look, Stupid," Trump responded, "the only ones who can impeach me are those dummies in Congress, right? But if there's no Congress, they can't do it!" Sources said that Trump abruptly ended that meeting, saying that he wanted to watch television.