TAOS, NM—So you think that as a vegetarian you are morally or nutritionally better than your omnivorous neighbor? Or perhaps as a vegan you feel yourself better than an indulgent vegetarian who eats eggs and cheese? Well, we invite both of you to meet someone even your moral superior: Madeline Carmichel of Taos. We report here on our recent interview with her.
The C: So, Madeline, what makes you so different from a vegetarian or a vegan?
M: I am actually both. I began several years ago by avoiding all meat, and later realized I also wanted not to victimize animals by using the produce of their bodies in the form of dairy products or eggs. So I became a vegan.
The C: And then?
M: I read the scientific research on the psychology of plants, indicating that they, too, have feelings. Did you know that a plant feels sad when you cut it, or pluck it out of the ground?
The C: No, I didn't know that. Do you mean that when I harvest a carrot out of my garden I am causing it pain?
M: Of course! You are ending its life! You are pulling it from its home, from its source of nourishment!
The C: So, you do not eat anything that is plant-based? Where then do you get your nourishment?
M: From the same place the carrot got it: Mother Earth! I derive my strength and health from the earth itself.
The C: So... you eat dirt?
M: Don't refer to it as "dirt"! One immediately thinks "dirty," reflecting a wide-spread prejudice against the ultimate source of nourishment for all of us.
The C: Ah... would "soil" be better?
M: No! That reminds you of something "soiled" - same as "dirty," like soiled underwear or a soiled shirt.
The C: So what term would you prefer for this widespread substance?
M: Farmers, who rely directly on its nourishing properties for raising helpless plants, only to kill them, call it "loam." "Loam" has only good connotations. I am a "loamer": someone who derives nourishment directly from loam, without the intermediate deaths of animals or plants.
The C: So, how does that work? You just take up a cup of dirt... er, "loam"... and what?
M: Mix it with clear water and make a sort of soup. A little salt adds to the flavor. No pepper, of course, since that comes from a plant. Or an old-fashioned "mud pie" - I must have been a budding loamer even as a kid, since I sometimes actually ate what we produced playing in the mud puddles. (She laughs.)
The C: Is that really a balanced diet?
M: It's good enough for the plants, so I figure it's good enough for me. Oh, I also take vitamins and minerals. I have found a few supplements that have a statement on their label saying that they contain no animal or plant matter, just natural chemicals. And don't get me wrong. I sometimes will eat some plant matter, but only from plants that died naturally. A friend, for example, saves me the rose petals that fall naturally in her rose garden. They are a real treat.
The C: But in eating loam, aren't you ingesting live organisms such as bacteria or tiny bugs? Doesn't that somehow violate your fundamental principle of not wanting to harm living things?
M: There is no research that I know of saying that microbes or such have feelings. I mean, let's be reasonable. That would be silly, to worry about the feelings of microbes! I'm not some kind of nut!
The C: Of course not (nervous chuckle)! How many other loamers are there? Is there any effort underway to spread loamism?
M: Not many, that I know of. As a loamer, it's a little hard to connect. I mean, who's going to invite you to dinner? And nobody accepts my dinner invitations a second time. We get more ridicule than praise - some omnivores call us "loamies."
The C: I suppose you save a lot of money on groceries?
M: Yeah, I don't have to shop for food. Just take my trowel and a little bucket to the nearest vacant lot. Still, what I save on the grocery bills, I probably make up for with medical bills, what with my severe weight loss, anemia, failing organs, and such. But hey, nobody ever said caring was easy, right?