SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Marjorie Turnbull is causing quite a stir among the local avid players of contract bridge. Turnbull, 77, has been playing several days a week for many years at the local Bay Bridge Players Club, located in an old Edwardian home in Pacific Heights. It all started last year, when Turnbull, who is the vice president of the local club, angrily threw down her cards during the annual tournament, and said to the three women who were playing at her table, "This has got to end!"
Mystified by her sudden outburst, her co-players awaited an explanation. According to the rules of the game (and of almost all other card games), the king card takes precedence over a queen card of the same suit. If both cards are played in the same trick, the player of the king card wins the trick. Kings beat queens. "Kings beat queens!" exclaimed Turnbull. "What medieval nonsense! This is the twenty-first century, not the middle ages!" She added.
The septuagenarian continued, with clear passion in her voice, "And that phrase also hints at condoning spousal abuse!" Naturally, the scene disrupted the tournament, which was immediately adjourned to allow players to find a solution.
The first suggestion, to simply switch ranks and rule that queens should take a king, was quickly discarded when the male players pointed out the unfairness. The tournament continued when the players voted to make kings the higher rank in the two black suits (spades and clubs), and queens having the higher rank in the red suits. However, even that compromise was met with objections, some claiming that the elevation of the color red smacked of Communism. Others stubbornly insisted that, according to the Bible, the woman was always to be subject to the man.
After more unsuccessful deliberation, the club sent a committee to the National Playing Card Company, which manufactures playing cards, with a revolutionary proposal: replace the medieval names "king," "queen" and "jack" with modern terms: "president," "vice president" and "senator." As for the image replacements, the company suggested that the president for each suit could each bear a face of the presidents on Mount Rushmore. Naturally, Turnbull protested, "But those are all men!"
After further argument, deliberation, and more than one hunger strike, the final decision was to use non-gender, neutral color smiley faces in three descending sizes.
The bridge world is still arguing over the changes, with dozens of bridge clubs around the nation holding marches in protest, and several others stating that the new cards did not go far enough. One playing card activist, Dillon Gershwin, 65, exclaimed in front of his fellow players, "What a horrific state of affairs, when we limit the card faces to human-like images that only people with vision capabilities are able to appreciate. There is no equality until these cards are either as dull and uninteresting as possible, or every single form of life is equally represented. We owe this to future generations!"
The card company reports that the new cards are not selling well.
Turnbull has persuaded her state senator Byron Campbell to introduce a bill making it a misdemeanor to use or sell the old "sexist" cards in California. Most political commentators predict that it will not pass. "Although as a state, the Golden State is usually on the forefront of social change, this bill goes too far."
In response, Turnbull shakes her head: "How did the chess players for centuries get away with making the queen more powerful than their wimpy king, who has to hide behind every other piece for protection?"