JOLIET, IL—At a press conference held Tuesday afternoon, the dads of the United States announced that they were launching a full investigation into what they have termed "a complete waste of hard-earned money." The press conference was poorly attended, but the dads remained vehement in their concern regarding a hall light left on with no beneficiary immediately apparent. "This is nothing short of an outrage," said spokesdad Gary Burgess, 44. "Lights cost money. If you are not using it, turn it off. It's that simple." The dads, which have members in literally every country and virtually every city in the world, shared that they had no clear leads, but that they planned to exhaust all options to discover the culprit responsible for the 60-watt incandescent light bulb left illuminating an empty hallway. It has been the policy of dads worldwide since the invention of the light bulb in 1878 that all devices powered by electricity be fully off when not demonstrably benefiting someone at the moment it is on. Indeed, even prior to the widespread use of electricity, the organization also regulated the rate of candle and firewood usage with scrutiny that earned them their reputation for frugality. Burgess, a contractor by trade, explained that there were three other people in the residence where the luminous orb was left to consume electricity, and so had no doubt that the investigation would be a short one. "We'll get to the bottom of this," he said. As a preventative measure, the dads' statement also included a call for stricter regulation of window and door opening, temperature control, and food waste, which are among the stated aims of the organization. Regarding what citizens could do in their own homes to prevent tragedies such as this one, Burgess pleaded with dads everywhere to frequently educate other residents of their dwellings on the principles of thrift. "One of the best ways [to prevent waste of resources] is to constantly remind everyone in the house that things cost money, which you are not made of," shared Burgess. "If the water is on and it's not rinsing something off or filling up something that will be drunk or used to wash something, that is money literally down the drain." The organization expressed concern that non-dad residents everywhere did not fully appreciate the "value of money," and pledged to redouble efforts by having children do more chores, and asking other residents to cut costs elsewhere, such as purchasing generic shampoos rather than name-brand. They expect resistance, but cite their authority to do so, as outlined in the "under my roof" statute that is universally recognized.