SAN FRANCISCO, CA —Noted family history and consumer genomics company, Ancestry, shook the nation Friday morning with a social media post that challenges long-held beliefs and will likely affect many weekend plans.
The Utah-based genealogy giant has in recent years become the foremost provider of commercial DNA kits for discovering ethnicity and ancestry, but the company has found some unsettling truths in its worldwide research, especially at its international headquarters in Dublin. The online post in question suggested that the popular statement, “Everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day,” is not actually true.
“Approximately 90% of individuals in the U.S. claim Irish heritage every March 17th,” the post read, “a striking difference from the 10% or so any other day of the year…. The fact is that we’ve tested indigenous peoples from over 350 regions in the world, and only the Irish are Irish on St. Patrick’s Day—or ever.”
Ancestry implied in its post that most people claiming to be Irish during the holiday tend to be seeking an excuse to "get extra drunk." Hundreds of hateful responses flooded Facebook and Twitter within the first three hours of posting, with thousands more since as people scramble to salvage their Saturday evening plans. Among other unforeseen consequences of the announcement, sales of “Kiss me - I’m Irish” paraphernalia have plummeted to an all-time low.
AncestryDNA spokesperson, Linda Meyers, was unavailable for questioning at press time, and as July 1st approaches, the world is left wondering whether anyone is actually Canadian on Canada Day.