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  • Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Study: No One on Train Bothered by Your Egg Salad Sandwich



CHICAGO, IL—A quick survey of passengers on your evening commuter train, the BNSF line from Chicago to Aurora at 5:24 p.m., revealed that in fact no one is bothered that you are consuming an egg salad sandwich on the train.

Detailed questionnaires distributed to literally every passenger within the confined car with little to no ventilation discovered that not a single one of the 45 other riders is in any way perturbed by the fact that you are barely chewing the mixture of mayonnaise and boiled egg as you muscle it into your stomach. Indeed, whereas other people might take issue with the malodorous meal that you clearly did not purchase, but actually brought from home and then did not have time to eat at the office, the particular group of individuals with whom you share your breathing space at the present time and for the next approximate 29 minutes is perfectly content to sit calmly as you wolf down the sandwich.

Although virtually no other person claimed to notice that you like to add a little garlic to the salad, those who did found it to be a very clever culinary move, without the slightest hint of annoyance. These fellow humans hailed your ability to find the most pungent combination of ingredients, and went so far as to call the choice "genius." When asked specifically if they mind that you do not fully close your mouth when chewing, not only did every respondent mark "I do not mind at all," but 78% of them wrote in the free-response section sentiments of vicarious serenity. For example, one fellow traveler wrote, "I am just thrilled that you get to eat. Seeing you enjoy the nutritious meal fills me too, somehow." Another wrote, "It looks like you've had a long, hard day. Eat up, sweetheart. You deserve this."

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