West Memphis, AR—Would-be mass murderer and classic movie enthusiast Eric Heller is shaking his head in disbelief this afternoon after months of planning and effort came to a screeching halt.
“Boy is my face red,” Heller said, referring to the fact that he had failed to notice the 4x4” sign with the image of a semi-automatic handgun circled and crossed out in bold red as he entered the local mall just hours earlier.
“You get so focused,” said the 33-year-old computer programmer, who was fired in March following a string of inappropriate remarks at coworkers. “It’s pretty easy to let little details slip through the cracks, I suppose.”
Heller had entered the mall at 11:12 a.m. on Wednesday, with three handguns, and a military style semi-automatic rifle hidden under a long winter coat. “I must have scoped out that mall 100 times,” said Heller.
At 11:15 a.m., Heller drew the rifle from his coat and opened fire on the mall patrons. He recounts when it struck him exactly. “I expected screams of terror—I mean, that was kind of what I was going for, right?” he explains. “But after I must have fired about 10 shots just randomly into the crowd, I looked to see who I’d hit. I saw this woman who’d taken a bullet to the thigh, and she just had this look of complete surprise on her face.” Heller explains that it was that look that made him realize what he’d done wrong.
“I nearly crapped my pants I was so embarrassed.” The mall at which Mr. Heller was attempting his mass shooting had been a clearly marked “Gun Free Zone” since at least the last 7 years, according to mall facilities operator Linda Brown. Brown reports, “I don’t know what more we could have done to make it clearer. I mean, there’s a sticker right there on the entrance. It’s there for exactly this reason. These shooters need to just take a minute to check the rules of our establishment before just waltzing right in.”
Witnesses at the scene say that once Mr. Heller stopped firing, he looked humiliated. “It was really awkward,” said Gary Vanguard, 45, who was at the scene. “He put two bullets in my Orange Julius and I gave him this look, right? But then it was like, ‘Oh, he gets it.’ You’re not supposed to bring guns into the mall, Einstein.”
Mr. Heller reportedly apologized to the patrons repeatedly before Ms. Brown asked him to leave mall property.
Heller says that it was a sobering event for him. “I’ve definitely learned my lesson,” he said, shaking his head with an embarrassed smile. “Now I check for the stickers two or three times any time I go anywhere, even if I don’t have a gun on me.”