Which is it: Can Mario Hold His Breath Indefinitely or Not?

By Chris Navarro—With deepest sincerity and concern, I write an open letter to Nintendo and its employees, and plead they answer just one question: Can Mario hold his breath indefinitely or not?

It's a simple question, and yet the franchise's inconsistent portrayal of the superhuman abilities of this magnificent Italian plumber beg the question of just what the story is regarding his need to breathe in oxygen.

If the reader is unaware of the facts of the case, I present them here. In the original 1985 Super Mario Brothers game for the original Nintendo gaming system, there are some levels that place Mario and his brother, Luigi, in what is clearly an underwater environment. Both brothers appear to have no need to breathe air during those levels, as they can remain submerged for the entire duration of the level. This was consistently the case up through the Super Nintendo's Super Mario World, released in 1990. However, in later games within the franchise, suddenly Mario has trouble remaining below the surface? For example, in Super Mario 64, released in 1996 for the Nintendo 64, the hero must return to the surface or loses health.

So what is it, Nintendo? Does Mario require air or not?

I hope you do not think we gaming enthusiasts are stupid enough to buy the argument that because the original Super Mario Brothers game had timed levels, whereas Super Mario 64 does not, Mario could hold his breath for the entire duration of the level, which takes several minutes, but could then not hold his breath for the same amount of time in the 64 version.

Additionally, in the 64 version, Mario's health can suddenly be replenished—even while underwater—if he finds one of the ubiquitous coins as he explores. Why, then, good sirs and madams, does the timer in the original Mario game not increase with each coin Mario finds underwater, as if to give him additional air or life force or what-have-you?

I, for one, find it wholly and utterly irresponsible to allow such incompatible information to exist in Mario's world. Does his universe simply have no laws of physics whatsoever? Did the laws of his universe change completely over the course of a decade? Explain, please.

You owe it to the fans of the Brothers, Princess Peach, Toad, Bowser, and all of the others to set this right. I speak for millions, I assume, when I reveal that we have lost countless hours of sleep over this quandary, and spent innumerable hours debating amongst ourselves what the possible explanation could be. Specifically, I have lost 2 girlfriends, and no longer speak to 3 family members due to this problem in your franchise, and I simply cannot go another day allowing the lie to continue.

If Mario's abilities can change so drastically, what else can happen? Will Wario lose his mustache? Will King Koopa suddenly be a butterfly next time? Will Yoshi start crapping out goombas? How can you expect us to continue to purchase and play your misleading and unreliable games if you can't be honest with us?

We demand answers, we will not rest until they come, and for the good of humanity, we ask that you clarify these issues immediately. Thank you for your time.

#Entertainment #ToddBlankenship