How About We Stop Being Morons?

By Michael LoBianco—Dear fellow citizens of the earth, it is with great sincerity that I write this open letter to you all about an issue that has been weighing heavily on my mind for the last several months. I have spent many hours attempting to put my thoughts on paper, and I'd like to now share my conclusions with you.

First, I think that perhaps what would be best for all of us is if we were to all stop being total morons. In fact, really, I think ending the buffoonery that has been going on nonstop for as long as I can remember is probably where we should focus our efforts. I cannot overstate just how much better things would be if every person on the earth were to just look at what they are doing that is making them an idiot, and to then stop doing that thing.

Second, on top of ending our nitwitted behaviors, I think it is equally important that we cease to act like bozos. It seems to me that nearly all problems we face in the world can be traced back to people being pinheads, doofuses, and numbskulls. So, I simply propose a worldwide moratorium on tomfoolery, beginning right now.

You may be asking, "But Michael, how do I know if I'm being a moron?" That right there is a sign of being a moron. The easiest way to not be stupid in what you're doing is to say to yourself before you do something, "Would a total lunatic do what I'm thinking of doing?" If the answer is anything but "no," then you need to find something else to do.

I also find that another good way to prevent yourself acting like a nincompoop is to ask others about what it is you want to do before you do it, and see if they think it is a stupid idea. What's important here is to make sure that you ask people who are not themselves imbeciles, because if they are it corrupts the entire process. For this reason, I recommend running your ideas and thoughts by several different people before acting or saying those things out loud to the person you intended to say them to.

Okay? We all good now? See the problem? Great. I look forward to a better world from now on.