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Writer's pictureL. B. Pallendrome

"Human Hydration Needs" were Invented by Water Companies


By Heather Walker—I, for one, am sick of so-called experts telling me what my body needs. Ever since I was a kid people have been telling me stuff like, "milk builds strong bones" and "you need sleep" and "drink water to stay alive," but where's the research on that? Plants need water and carbon dioxide for photosynthesis. Are you a plant? I know I'm not. We've established that we don't photosynthesize, so we don't require water. Basic biology tells us that our cells perform respiration, which produces water, so why would we ever need to drink something our bodies already make on their own?

Has anyone stopped to consider that human hydration requirements are just propaganda produced by Big Water? Think about who benefits the most from billions of human sheep believing they can't live without consuming ounces upon ounces of a substance every day... Probably the entity that peddles that substance. Has anyone ever actually died from not drinking water for three days?

All these decades of telling people to "avoid dehydration," we've really been puppets of the H2O man, providing free advertisement and building his empire for him. Water is for plants and clouds and lakes and stuff. We play in it. We pee in it. Why would we also drink it? Nice try, smartwater, Dasani, and Arrowhead, but I'm done with the lies.

I finally stopped drinking water this week, and it's the best decision I've ever made. My mind feels more alert, I'm sleeping better, and I've even stopped pooping.

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