EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE—Experts from across the globe have recently reported an enormous problem whose reach will certainly be universal, and to which there is no solution.
Indeed, the problem has been around for a while, and will continue to build slowly for a very long time, continuing to affect more and more of what you hold dear. The experts emphasize that they are not talking about just minor inconvenience, either. This thing is sure to be catastrophic in its reach and destruction. In their statement, the experts urged people of the world to look to the person to their left and visualize exactly how bad it's going to be when this problem reaches that person, and then to remember that you are probably next.
Experts also made clear that there is literally no solution to this problem. By that, they do not mean that there is a solution they just haven't found yet—they mean that this problem is always going to be here and will never go away, no matter what you do. Experts agree that even if technology were to be significantly improved in the future, people were to change their behavior, or an all-powerful deity were to attempt to intervene, it would do absolutely nothing to slow or change the course of this problem.
"It's like, seriously bad, you guys." The experts stated.
The doomsayers explained that, although there is nothing that can be done about this problem, they insist that everyone become aware of it as soon as possible, and that they absolutely give up hope on it immediately, while also going about their day as normal.
The experts ended their statement wishing the people of the world a "nice weekend."