MIAMI, FL—A group of drunken marine biologists and marine biology graduate students from the University of Miami gathered together for an impromptu panel discussing the total weirdness and grossness of the ocean if one thinks about it. Dr. Karina Beatty, 41, led the discussion, which followed approximately 90 minutes of preparation through the consumption of various alcoholic beverages, gossip about common acquaintances who could not attend the event, and finally some deeper questions about the world. Beatty first broached the subject of the unsanitary nature of the oceans by saying, with a smirk, "Do you guys ever like, sit there and like, go, fish just poop in the same place where they live?" Graduate student, Liza Martinez, 27, responded that she had, in fact, thought about it before, adding, "Right? It's like if we were to just go pee in a corner of our house. You know, like, onto the carpet." After some laughter and commentary, she added, "Then we just walk around like, 'hum dee dum. This is totally normal.'" "That's just what fish sound like, I bet!" contributed Professor Emeritus Harlan Brandon, 62, who has been nationally recognized for his work on crustaceans. Although the general consensus of the panel was that it is somewhat humorous how the oceanic ecosystems function, a precise metaphor was the main point of discussion for most of the 12-minute session. Beatty insisted that the carpet example was close, but not quite comparable, instead offering that the fact that fish just "do their business" wherever they are and also use the same water for their oxygen and food intake, it would be more like humans using their own toilets for dinner plates. This comment was met with much disgust and protest amidst laughter and light applause. However, graduate student Richard Ivanson, 29, countered that a more appropriate metaphor for the situation in which sea life find themselves is if humans also relieved themselves in their bathwater, which was met with further disgust and discussion. Finally, Beatty changed course and offered that the appropriate metaphor for marine life swimming in their own filth is if people were to emit gaseous waste that we then would also breathe in and go about our day as if it were normal. This metaphor seems to have struck a chord with the panel, as the group quickly took a more somber tone, as one said, "You mean like pollution?" They all looked at each other, apparently thinking how we humans are not as unlike marine life as we may think, and perhaps all of our attempts to see ourselves as more sophisticated and advanced than the fish are just smoke (literally) and mirrors. Perhaps, they may have thought, we share a common existence with these creatures, and can learn to see them as noble and as beautiful as we sometimes see ourselves. After a moment of silence, Ivanson commented, "or how we all walk around breathing in each other's farts!" The panel then erupted in laughter before the topic of conversation turned to how annoying Professor O'Reilly's (who was not in attendance) ties don't ever seem to match his suits. As of press time, the panel has announced intention to hold more such events to raise awareness of some of the more subtle quirks of their field of study.