ANNAPOLIS, MD—Despite the name and its plentiful tourist attractions, research conducted by Coppin State University revealed that visitors to Maryland were unanimously disappointed to discover that the state is not one giant theme park. Many vacations, if not altogether ruined, were soured as a result of the revelation that the state was much like any other with diverse industries, landscapes, and so forth.
Numerous visitors have called out the state for its name being “excessively deceptive” and a “buzz kill.” While tourism advertisements make it clear that there are myriad activities available in Maryland, including visiting one of its many tourist attractions, critics feel that the ads do not go far enough in demonstrating that the state is not all fun and games. Hundreds of parents feel let down to learn that there is not a place to drop off their kids and go “have some fun” in adult-only areas of the state; Maryland has increased its number of public schools and daycare centers to help but results have been mostly negative. Others feel let down by the absence of mascots or costumed employees, citing that they looked forward to pictures with “real” Maryland princesses or anthropomorphized animals.
By far the greatest number of disappointed worldwide vacationers end up being Catholic, arriving at the airport or state line with their families in full priest or nun vestments only to find that Maryland is not a Catholic Six Flags like the Vatican. Similarly misleading have been Maryland’s occasional nicknames as the Old Line State, the Free State, and the Chesapeake Bay State, those appellations not actually describing an amusement park’s motif.
No visitors have filed lawsuits against Maryland, apparently embarrassed by their misunderstanding or frustratingly unaware of the possibility of legal recourse. Maryland Governor Larry Hogan nevertheless remained sympathetic to visitors, saying, “While we may not be quite as popular as Sea World or one of the other touristy amusement parks, no state can match the beauty of the Chesapeake Bay, our beaches and farms, the mountains of Western Maryland, the Port of Baltimore, or the historic charm of every corner of our state.”