DAVIS, CA—Feline genetic testing developed by Dr. Leslie Lyons at UC Davis has revolutionized veterinary medicine and also uncovered the startling truth that a majority of housecats are actually humans. “In creating our database of populations for comparison, we were surprised to find that over 60% of the cats we sampled had human, rather than feline DNA,” Lyons explained.
The professor and her research team repeated the tests to ensure this wasn’t in error and were forced to conclude that the majority of domesticated cats are, in fact, humans who, for whatever reason, reside in cat bodies. “At first we thought maybe the samples had been contaminated with human DNA, but the results were the same every time. These are people who apparently have been cursed to live as felines in every region we tested, from Egypt to East Asia.”
Results of mailed-in household Cat Ancestry tests show a similar trend in the U.S. that most household cats are cursed humans. Researchers theorize that "meowing" is actually their best attempt at communicating with intact humans. “We aren’t sure what to do with this information, as it’s definitely outside the realm of veterinary genetics,” Lyons offered. “Hopefully we can arrange a joint study with another department, but at this point we aren’t even sure who to ask. Anthropology, maybe?”