HOT SPRINGS, AR—A common housefly, in the much-coveted position of being on a wall during an uncomfortable or otherwise intriguing interaction has offered an update to those of us wishing it were we listening in unseen. The blowfly insists that, despite our high hopes that those two histrionic morons would put on the show of a lifetime—losing composure, hurling insults, and inappropriately making the situation about themselves—they were mostly just sitting there talking about celebrities they wish they knew.
Indeed, given their past public behavior of making wild accusations regarding everything depraved and unholy about each other, one would imagine that having them together alone in a room would be an inherently compelling scene. However, the actual fly that is witnessing the very situation about which the rest of us have often fantasized reports only the deepest disappointment.
Although at one point, one of them seemed to possibly be about to find offense at a phrase and then start tossing lamps and ash trays at the other, the moment was fleeting as the other individual complimented the first's shoes. That, according to the insect witness, defused the situation and devolved into an exhaustive description of the event of those shoes' purchase.
At this time, the fly recommends that the rest of us just go back to whatever we would be doing were these two unhinged maniacs not alone in a room that, by all accounts, should result in a cage match of lunacy. The fly assures us that it will immediately contact us if anything remotely interesting occurs, but that it has a very short lifespan and may have to give up and start smashing into the window like an idiot for a few hours. In fact, says the fly, that would be far more interesting than whatever is going on right now in this disillusioning scene.
When reached for comment, the walls in the room, which assure us that they can actually talk, confirmed that nothing could possibly be a bigger waste of time than what those two clowns were chattering about. The walls wished to make crystal clear that they would have preferred an empty room to the brainless nonsense those two were spewing out.
Similarly, the NSA gave up listening just a few minutes in.