CELESTIAL THRONE, HEAVEN—We sat down again with the creator of the Universe in His glorious kingdom beyond the veil to inquire on several topics that have left humanity wondering for millennia.
Speaking with uncharacteristic informality, our Heavenly Father revealed several secrets not heretofore known in the hearts of men (or women). Among these was a little gem about His many creations. Namely, He came up with the design of the ostrich (Struthio camelus) primarily as a joke.
"Oh man! It feels good to get this off my chest," chuckled the omniscient and omnipresent being. "So, I had been in this mania of creation for what seemed like days, right? Well, I'm nearing the end of the project, thinking that I've got a pretty good variety of living things. You know—some really big things, some small ones, some beautiful, and some hideous and scary. Well anyway, I was just about to sign off on the whole deal, and then this thought struck me. I mean, I don't like to toss around the word 'inspiration,' for obvious reasons, but this one really felt like it came from outside of me."
The celestial being explains that it was the concept of the ostrich that entered His mind at that time. With clear delight on His timeless face, He further elaborated.
"I just kept thinking what it was going to be like once Adam and Eve got down there. I'd like, introduce them to the plants and tell them which of those trees to stay away from, and then I'd tell them to take care of the animals, and then I'd let them take a look around. And then [giggles], then, Adam would come around a corner and see this enormous bird! And it's as tall as he is!"
Through deep belly-laughs and snorts, the Father of All Creation went on to detail how hilarious He imagined the scene would be as people first saw the flightless bird species. "I was sure little Adam was going to wet himself!"
The omnipotent being related that He hid behind some bushes to watch as Adam approached the ostrich's favorite place in the Garden of Eden. "It was all I could do not to let him hear my giggling," the Creator shared. As Adam made eye contact with the bird, God recalls that they both just froze. For what seemed like an eternity, the human and ave stared at each other, motionless.
"I couldn't believe what happened next," stated the deity. "Get this—it was the ostrich that couldn't believe its eyes! That awkward bunch of feathers and legs got spooked like Adam was the ugliest thing it'd ever imagined, and ran like it was trying to wake up from a nightmare!"
The Father of All Life rolled and laughed at the memory, before adding, "Classic!"
The Ruler of the Heavens then ended the interview abruptly after The Colon reporters asked where dinosaur bones came from.