MADISON, WI—The Wisconsin State Legislature and Governor Scott Walker accidentally signed a bill into law last week that would formally forbid the non-medical sale, possession, and use of macaroni. In this blunder that slipped through the cracks and has startled both sides of the aisle, sales of macaroni in any form outside of state-licensed medical dispensaries will be prohibited starting next month.
“We were just trying to formalize the state’s laws on the matter,” Governor Walker has reported. “It was a good bill but apparently an autocorrect failure or freak typo made its way into the final draft, slipping past the state legislature and me. Even if I had seen [the mistake], I do not have the power for a line-item veto outside of appropriations bills. We would have had to start the bill from scratch.”
Barilla, Mueller’s, and other pasta brands in the state have already adjusted to the ill-wrought legislation by shifting production, marketing, and distribution channels toward other shapes or styles of pasta. While macaroni sales themselves have plummeted, the similar ziti, penne, and corkscrew pastas have seen marked increases in sales volume; nevertheless, overall pasta sales are down since the bill was passed. Many young families and individual consumers worry about the macaroni and cheese situation as many rely on some variation of the product for at least part of their caloric needs. Wisconsin is known for its cheese and many lament that alternative forms of pasta “just aren’t the same.” Additionally, those who use marijuana worry that the continued availability of the substance and the lack of macaroni and cheese will be a compounding problem as the munchies set in. Even Governor Walker is a fan of the dish.
“You might say that I have the blues, but not the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese kind. This bill saw to that. Maybe Kraft will make MJ and Cheese; I’d be willing to give that a try. Time will tell, I suppose.”