GARY, IN—Insects, spiders, and crawly creatures of all sorts are voicing concern to each other about the current state of a local resident's habitat.
Webster Ocho, a resident of a back yard in Gary for the last year, is a spider measuring approximately 1" in diameter. Webster has built a web about every two-to-three afternoons during that time, which he uses to then capture unsuspecting winged insects for his later consumption.
"Normally," shared Fuzzy McSquiggles, a caterpillar in the area, "That web is in pristine condition. I mean, I can barely see it, of course, but I think that's kind of the point."
According to residents, however, Webster has been dedicating less of his time to the upkeep and replacement of his webs.
"This one is at least 5 days old, I think. I mean, you can see the dust stuck to the silk threads and everything. But Webster just hangs there, staring up at the roof of that shed."
Some of the backyard creatures are concerned about the spider's well-being, as the blowfly Buzz McFly shared.
"Yeah, I've seen this kind of thing before. They put a lot of time into their webs, catch a lot of my friends, get fat, and then they just don't have the energy or motivation anymore. It's a vicious cycle, but I can't say I feel sorry for the fella—he sucked the insides out of my cousin just last week."
Even many of the other arachnids in the area have voiced concern with Webster's home falling into a state of disrepair. A common grey spider named Charlotte said, "Look, I'm not normally one to judge, but I have to say that I'm concerned about our property values. We [other spiders] work hard to keep our areas tidy, if not altogether invisible. If word gets around to the winged meals [insects] that the spiders in the area have given up, well, they'll lose all of that delicious fear. We'll be a laughing stock."
Given the sad state of his web, several of the area creatures wondered whether Webster was drawing too much attention from possible predators. However, when reached for comment, the area birds expressed trepidation at the thought of eating Webster. A sparrow, who chirped under the condition of anonymity, explained, "Yeah, I know he'd be an easy target, but I guess I'm just not sure I want that many calories. In our world, a guy like that is about like eating a couple of jelly doughnuts, and nobody really wants to get a reputation for being a glutton, you know?"
When asked whether he would like to comment on the state of his web, Webster assured The Colon that he fully intended to tidy up a bit "just as soon as [he] catch[es his] breath."
As of press time, the human owner of the property had demolished the web with a broom. Webster's current whereabouts are unknown.