BAKERSFIELD, CA—Area girlfriend Staci Winston, 23, released a statement on Wednesday to her closest confidante that she was not presently speaking to the young man with whom she is in a romantic relationship. When this confidante, Madison Brooks, 22, received word of the tense situation, she immediately offered a listening ear.
The two met for coffee while Staci shared every detail of the silent treatment she had been dishing out to her partner. "Yeah, so I'm going like, all out. He's texted me like, 20 times this morning already, and I haven't responded at all," Staci bragged.
"O.M.G.," replied Madison, as if to portray some meaning. "I can't believe it! You are really raking him through the coals, girl!"
The sustainability studies major then went on to detail the several other ways in which she has rejected her boyfriend's attempts to open communication, including muting him on some social media. She has also taken advantage of other ways to subtly hint at him that she is upset, such as posting publicly a series of emojis that express a range of moods or themes that generally portray disappointment or sadness.
After 30 minutes of describing to Madison every detail of her avoidance of contact with her boyfriend, Scott Garrison, 23, Madison asked a question that brought the conversation to a turning point. "So you're like, super mad at him. Like, what did he do?"
At this point, Staci seemed at a complete loss. Whereas she was certain that she was upset at Scott, and did not doubt for a second that her indignation was justified, she appeared quite fuzzy on the source of her indictment.
"Oh, yeah. Well, you know, he was just like, probably being weird or something. I wanna say it had something to do with a passing remark he made. Or maybe it was like, a look he had on his face, probably at like, a crucial moment for me. But like, I'm definitely mad at him."
Just as any enabling friend would, Madison validated Staci's denunciation of Scott. "Oh for sure! You stick it to him, girl! You are a strong, modern woman. If he can't handle the ride, he'd better get off the train."
The two young women then spent another 24 minutes in the coffee shop brainstorming more ways to slowly cut Scott out of Staci's life, and possibly ruin some of his friendships.
When reached for comment, Staci's boyfriend stated, "Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't heard from Stace [sic] for a couple of days. Probably on her period or whatever."