ITHACA, NY—A new study has shed light on something everyone has suspected for a very long time, even though no one has actually said anything before now. The research project surveyed thousands of people, all of whom know or have known you at some point, in some capacity.
There were two major findings in the study. The first is that, contrary to what you had suspected for your entire life up to this point, no one else has ever experienced feelings of inadequacy. Specifically, not one of the people involved in the survey had ever felt like a phony, as if they were just playing a role and going through the motions, terrified that at any moment some imaginary "fraud police" would come storming in to take away any credibility you had slowly built up over years of carefully crafting the image of who you thought you wanted to be but never actually became.
On the contrary, everyone else who participated in the research reported feeling genuine, authentic, and even self-actualized. Many went on to state that they were truly grateful for being loved for exactly who they are, content in the knowledge that those around them know their true selves, with no hint of hypocrisy, shame, guilt, or self-loathing.
Whereas such a pattern is, by itself, groundbreaking, the second major finding was no less significant. The study found that each of the participants, despite never having felt like they were pretending to be something they weren't, absolutely believed that you are.
Every person in the study clearly noted that, for virtually the entire time they have or had known you, they have seen all of the signs that you are a fraud. Though you do your best to put on a good show of unfounded confidence through speaking directly and as if you have some sort of authority on the subject, such efforts have been immediately seen through for the transparent spectacle they are. Indeed, your attempts to appear competent at your work and other responsibilities through dress, posture, language, and even facial expressions have had no effect on the survey participants' abilities to immediately identify the subtle signs of desperation, self-doubt, and inadequacy.
Virtually all of the subjects in the study added that they were disgusted by your brazenness, as you do not deserve to rub shoulders with them. Still, they have taken pity upon you and decided to let you perform your silly charade, for the mere entertainment value. Though they take pains not to give any outward sign that they can smell your inferiority and inability, they simply take mental notes thereof so that they can trade stories with the others when you are out of earshot. Even though they usually invite you to social events, it is due primarily to pity, and they secretly hope that you decline so that they can laugh at how hard you try while still failing.
The researchers believe that their findings should have immediate implications, such as coming clean about what you're up to. They are currently planning a large-scale follow up study to learn about specific failures and embarassing moments that you thought they surely had forgotten about by now.