HERSHEY, PA—In what may be the most brazen display of hot-headed arrogance the world has ever seen, area man Joseph "Joey" Garcia has dared to put a product to use before having read the label in its entirety.
Garcia, 29, was seen nonchalantly strolling through his local grocer's household cleaner aisle, and choosing a spray bottle in what appeared to be the window cleaner section within 20 seconds of stopping to peruse the items available. He then purchased said item, along with a few other items, and fled the store in his car as if nothing were amiss.
A few hours later, as witnesses claim, Garcia could be seen outside of his home, removing the bottle from his grocery sack, and then spraying the contents thereof haphazardly over his windows as if there were no order to the universe; no structure to existence.
Although the back label to the bottle of cleaner clearly states that consumers should read it "in its entirety before use," such an instruction is apparently only optional for Mr. Garcia, who has the insolence to potentially endanger all that good people hold dear.
Without so much as a glimpse at the instruction label on the bottle that could have contained yellow cake uranium for all Garcia knew, the carpenter slowly spread the bottle's contents onto his windows, taking not a moment to consider the consequences.
Ignorant of the full gravity of the bottle's liquid contents, Garcia carried on for several minutes, spraying and wiping, until some force brought him to stop, to the relief of all things decent and sacred. He then somehow was able to look himself in the mirror and fall asleep after so recklessly handling a product he did not fully understand.
Neighbors commented that his windows looked "very clean," apparently oblivious to the circumstances under which their state was acheived.
When reached for comment on his hubris, Garcia claimed to already know the directions for use after having cleaned his windows before. Although none of his neighbors was willing to go on record about their concern, it was pretty clear that behind their general approval of Mr. Garcia's character and care for his home that they were deeply terrified of what this loose cannon might do next.