PORTLAND, OR—Hazel Powers, as she is known in her community, loves loud music, and "keeping it real," although she could not seem to clarify what that phrase means exactly.
She can frequently be found in local dance halls until the early morning hours, and works at a used record store between 2 and 10 p.m.
When asked about her aspirations, she made light of the future, "Yeah man, just, y'know. We'll see what happens."
Pressed further on the issue, she stated, "You can't like, put plans into motion and all that, brah. The world doesn't care about your plans. You just gotta like, take life by the horns and go on that ride."
Apparently "that ride" for Ms. Powers includes half a bagel for breakfast at 1 p.m.
Aside from loud music and partying, Ms. Powers stated that her interests include, "love, laughter, and lollipops," in what is perhaps the most illogical combination this reporter has ever heard.
Some more investigation discovered what appears to be Ms. Powers's great interest in fashion, though she refuted the notion. "Nah, brah. Looks are just for Hollywood. I'm just me."
Being "just [her]" takes approximately 15 hours out of her week, by this reporter's estimation. Ms. Powers spends 3 hours at a hair stylist on her day off, maintaining a neon blue haircut. She also meticulously trims the right side of her head to ensure that that half of her scalp is easily accessible to viewers.
On top of those things, she obsessively maintains her manicure and painted nails to match her hair color of choice, which changes relatively often. If caught at random, there is approximately a 22% chance that one will find Ms. Powers carefully grooming herself, shopping for clothing or accessories that will complement her care-free image, or inspecting herself in a mirror to ensure that all is as she prefers. In contrast, there is a 30% chance that one would find her sleeping at any given moment.
"Life's too short to get all caught up on any one thing," said the woman, obviously missing the irony. "You just gotta let go and be who you are meant to be."
Powers, who must be meant to be nearly entirely shaved, 105 pounds, and who has already forgotten her natural hair color, ended the interview and departed for home, where she plans to spread mayonnaise in her hair to help it maintain the effect she wants.