BOULDER, CO—Terrence Wolter, 28, took a few moments to soak in the beauty around him after a couple of hours in nature. He'd gone out on Thursday of this week feeling like he needed to get his mind clear after a rough patch with his girlfriend of 6 months, and receiving a stern talking to from his boss after repeatedly arriving late to his job as a sales associate for a cellular phone network.
Looking out over the landscape as the sun shone on his city, and breathing in the warm, clean air calmed Wolter. He felt a thought stirring deep within him as his favorite song began to play on his headphones, and he decided to sit down and see where it led.
He then shared it with the world over social media: "I wonder if I act the way I do because I'm afraid to succeed. MayB I feel like I don't deserve it. IDK. #deepthoughts"
This was, by any measure, the most profound idea ever to have been produced by Wolter, who graduated high school with a C average in 2008.
Indeed, normally Wolter's thoughts surround acquiring wealth, looking physically attractive to the opposite sex, finding "dope beats," and having relations with desirable women near his age. That brief moment at approximately 2:14 p.m. on Thursday was easily the most mature and insightful moment of Wolter's life, and it may, in fact lead to substantial changes in his ambition and motivation for the rest of his existence.
As of this publication, this insight had been viewed by 71 other accounts on social media, 16 of which are Russian bots. It had earned 6 "likes," though two of them were accidental, and three were from people who do not actually know Mr. Wolter in any way other than by his handle, @TWmoney69. The sixth was from his roommate, whose attention at the time was divided between his social media feed and an episode of Master Chef he was re-watching.
It would be fair to say that Wolter's entire circle of friends and family took no note of the greatest insight ever conceived by this young man, who, had it not been for this 6-"likes" thought, in another 30 years may still be working paycheck-to-paycheck in a part-time job at a company that would fire him at any moment, spending his free time playing the latest first-person shooter, and spending his money on a new pair of sneakers rather than putting it in savings.
Instead, because of this thought that is now available to the entire civilized world, Wolter will wake tomorrow, break off his relationship with his girlfriend, enroll in night-classes, and ask his boss about what it takes to get a promotion at work. In 30 years, he will have something to show for his life, including dozens of loved ones who respect the man he became.
As of press time, a Kardashian's selfie had been viewed 32 million times, and earned 107k "likes."