ASPEN, CO—While on a nature assignment in the beautiful Rocky Mountains this week, an up-and-coming satirical news journalist's work was rudely interrupted by a young woman who waltzed right into his camera view and then refused to move.
Whereas the journalist made it a point to find a place that was wild, secluded, and untamed by humans' foul touch, he found that just as he had scouted out the serene and transcendent place filled with nature's raw and unsurpassed wonder, some tree hugging yokel walked right into the line of his shot and gave some canned look to the camera like she was posing for a freaking poster or something.
Although the would-be photographer gently requested that the granola queen skedaddle her little vegan keister the hell out of the way of his otherwise-perfect photo, Little Miss PETA just stood there like she was some kind of fairy princess leading the way back to Narnia or whatever.
The painfully patient journalist then further explained with admirable tenacity that he was trying to capture an image of the flawless meadow of wildflowers she was stepping on, but that her unwashed, toad-kissing face was messing up the camera's focus.
"I mean, come on!" he justifiably commented.
The apparently hearing-impaired and very likely unvaccinated mountain dweller remained standing in the way, clearly believing that she was more important in her probably-hemp, locally-sourced sun dress that hadn't been laundered with anything but rainfall in the last year.
"Shove off, you feckless twit!" the flowers probably would have commented if they had the ability.
Finally, after too many failed attempts to ward off the greasy flower-sniffing pacifist, the frustrated photographer snapped a few photos before the light was lost. The whole time, the half-starved, free-loving communist just stared into the camera with that stupid, piercing gaze like she was concentrating with that little kale-infused brain of hers.
After the photos were taken, Suzie-Save-the-Whales then had the audacity to ask that she be paid for her time. So she was able to talk the whole time! She also said something about a signed contract for modeling or whatever, and that the photographer should read his assignments more closely before taking off without her, but the serious and deep journalist had had enough for the afternoon, and got back in his Jeep to go back to civilization.
As of press time, a whole lot of other people had yelled at him and made him go back and be nice to that hippie.