73 Employees Depend on Woman Who Has Dropped Phone in Toilet on 3 Occasions

PITTSFIELD, MA—Marilynne O'Donnell built her advertising firm from the ground up. In 2014, after she graduated from the University of Delaware, O'Donnell landed her first client—a former roommate who needed an ad designed for her law firm.

"That was the start of a very busy road," said O'Donnell. Her company, Market Trendz [sic], has grown to a multi-million dollar business over those years, thanks to very hard work and dedication, and despite a general clumsiness and lack of foresight.

"It's humbling to realize how far I've come, and what more the future holds," commented the 28-year-old who oversees 73 employees, but has needed to change the oil in her car for the last 2 months.

Sources close to Ms. O'Donnell spoke on the condition of anonymity, explaining that, although she has managed her company surprisingly well by any measure, there is a general fear that she will slip up somewhere.

"I mean, I've worked here for 3 years," said one employee. "And in that time, I've seen her wearing mismatched shoes at least 6 times."

Indeed, other employees have noticed that, even though the office is run like the German train system, O'Donnell often seems oblivious to some risks and problems. For example, there was considerable anxiety running through the grapevine after O'Donnell had nearly burned the building down after leaving a fork in the microwave with her frozen lunch while taking a phone call.

"I know for a fact," said another employee "that she has dropped her phone into the toilet on three separate occasions. I know, because she asked me to order her a new one after coming out of the ladies' room looking all out of sorts. I called the number right after just to see if her phone was working, but it wasn't."

Although there is some general discontent surrounding these behaviors, the mood in the office is still fairly positive. "Now, I don't know if she's going to drive her car through the door one day, or if maybe she'll go bankrupt after forgetting to file taxes for the last 4 years, but one thing's for sure—she keeps the job entertaining!" commented one worker.

O'Donnell, while searching for her reading glasses that were in her left hand, said, "I am just so glad that we've been so lucky. In a business like this, you've got to keep ahead of the competition, and anticipate changes."

She then saw something shiny under her desk and spilled her coffee as she bent down to see what it was.

"Oh! It's my Scotch tape!" she concluded.

O'Donnell hopes to grow the business even more over the next 8 years, consequently increasing the number of lives that depend on her to keep it together each day.

As of press time, O'Donnell had to return home to feed her fish she'd neglected earlier that morning. This is reportedly her fourth try at keeping a fish.

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