VINELAND, NJ—A local resident was slowly and painfully tortured for several grueling minutes by being kept on the phone for far longer than necessary with an acquaintance on Saturday.
At approximately 10:19 a.m. on Saturday, area woman Beatrice "Trice" Hadfield, 31, used her short break at her job as a travel agent to call and wish her former college roommate a happy birthday. Although she does not normally make a phone call for such an event, she decided to try it, spur of the moment, as she had been trying to use social media less for the last two days.
"I thought it might be nice to hear her voice for a minute," lamented Hadfield of her erstwhile living companion, Rebecca Gunzenhauser, who turned 33 on that day.
Hadfield made the phone call, half expecting the number to be out of date, when Gunzenhauser answered, "Trice! Oh my God! I can't believe you called!"
Silently and immediately regretting her decision to call, Hadfield exchanged a few pleasantries and general updates about her life, trying to hint that she was not making a lengthy call.
Indeed, she said the phrase, "Well, I just thought I'd drop you a line to say 'hi,'" at six distinct times in the conversation—the first occurring only three minutes into the conversation.
Gunzenhauser fended off the veiled attempt to keep the talk brief, however, as she droned on with her pointless stories about people and events that would never, under any circumstances be of interest to Hadfield, who lives 473 miles away from Gunzenhauser. Whenever the conversation would reach a natural stopping point, Hadfield made it a point to remain silent at first, hoping that Gunzenhauser would notice that Hadfield had nothing more to say. At these times, however, Gunzenhauser would simply break the silence by sharing an anecdote that was neither humorous nor interesting.
After a full 5 minutes of conversing like this, Hadfield changed her tactic and made more direct attempts to end the call. "Well," she tried, "I don't want to keep you, but I hope you have a great day." This sentence was ignored outright as the oblivious Gunzenhauser started into an update on a new diet she is trying.
Becoming more desperate, Hadfield saw that her break time was nearly over. She tried to explain by saying, "Okay, well I'd better get back to it over here. I'm calling on my break." She thought that surely drawing direct attention to the fact that she had a schedule to keep would get the woman on the other line to shut her pie hole.
Getting hopes up, Gunzenhauser, who had not asked Hadfield a single thing about her life, acknowledged that she also had much to do that day, but then went on to explain how she was going to attend a baby shower for someone she knew. She went on for several minutes about the details of the shower, even though such things would have no effect whatsoever on Hadfield's life in any way.
Now desperate, 16 minutes into the phone call, Hadfield lied that her battery was about to die, and said her goodbyes yet again. The woman on the other end then started a monologue about how they should talk more, citing the last time they had spoken, and how "nobody talks to each other any more."
Hadfield, after another 90 seconds of that, just hung up her phone, removed the battery, smashed it into pieces with her heel, and flushed them down separate toilets.
As of press time, Hadfield had legally changed her name, obtained a passport, and left for the airport. Her current whereabouts are unknown.